The Power of Barney

By Aaron Whitaker, MZD Senior Copywriter

My two-year-old daughter is a handful. I’ve pretty much given up the whole idea of having a clean living room. My wife or I can pick up all of her toys and put them away and when we turn our back, all of the toys are suddenly back on the floor, in between the sofa cushions under the sofa, in the dog’s crate which the dog is now chewing on, and basically in every tiny little hole, crevice and space in the living room. She is a terror, I would actually welcome a bull in a china shop. I mean, eventually the bull would settle down unlike my little girl.

But there is one thing that can grab her attention immediately. No it’s not pointy objects, it’s Barney. “I love Barney,” never thought I’d say that but I do. And guess what? Barney loves me too because he sings it to me every time he’s on the TV. And I love my DVR. Whenever we need my daughter to sit down for a little while, so we can pick up her toys, we play one of the many episodes of Barney that are on our DVR. Somehow Barney makes my daughter sit down on the couch and become transfixed to the TV for the whole episode and then I push replay and she does it all over again. I don’t know if Barney is a hypnotist or the anti-Christ but he knows how to grab my daughter’s attention and keep it which I feel I will never be able to master.

In the world of advertising, Barney is the king of the toddler demographic. And as an advertiser, I think Barney is an untapped resource for advertisers. What if Baby Bop (another dinosaur) sang her song called “The Baby Bop Hop” (I swear she sings it like every episode, I get it already, I can hop now, thanks) with some Fisher Price instruments? Or if BJ (another dinosaur) who is working on potty training takes a dump in his Huggies? And Barney changes him and uses Johnson & Johnson baby powder? And when Barney has had enough trying to watch over all these damn kids and answering all their stupid questions, what if he had a nice glass of Caymus Cabernet and a Roche Pharmaceuticals Valium? Barney is powerful, probably more powerful than the President, I mean Barney has a 100% approval rating among the 0-4 year olds, that’s unbelievable. He can tell those millions of babies and toddlers to do anything or buy anything and they’ll do it. So advertisers, start calling Barney. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a phone and he only comes to life in make-believe. Damn it! Well advertiser, start make-believing Barney is selling your products. Good luck.